当然,文章的连贯和语言优化方面也还是可以进一步改进的。
【满分范文】
Dear Miss Wang,
I’m glad to write to you. At this moment, words can no longer express my feelings.
How kind and responsible can a teacher be? You just gave me the perfect answer. I can clearly remember how much I hated learning new English words at first. To be honest, I really wanted to give up. As soon as you noticed this, you offered to help me by telling me some shortcuts to learn them. You never failed to encourage me even when I made only a little progress. Little by little, my interest in English grew and now I’m a top student in English.
I want to say thanks to you. I will work harder in the future to live up to your expectations. I hope you can be happy and healthy forever.
Yours
Xiaoming
点评:
这篇修改后的作文无论在语言表达以及文章内涵方面都是相当优秀的。
首先,开头At this moment, words can no longer express my feelings. 短短的一句话便把作者此时的激动和对老师的感激之情表达得很充分。第二段首句的设问句How kind and responsible can a teacher be? 更是精彩。在描写自己起初对英语单词的厌烦时,作者用了一个how 所引导的宾语从句替代原文的普通句式。